I’m looking for YOU in others…
We ALL do this to a certain extent…especially when we loved certain qualities in people…you are naturally drawn to those qualities…not necessarily to the ‘person’ but you are drawn to those qualities.
By the same token we are also hypervigilant to the qualities that repel us from people.
We get used to how people treat us…we tend to take people for granted over time and start to minimize their impact and importance in our life.
I am my own shiny example…
I was forced to end my relationship with Robbie because after 23 years I found he was incapable of providing for my needs…you know upkeep marriage vows…to have and to hold…love and cherish etc etc…
He was a man with very little needs or so he said and hence gave very little…but grabbed all he could get.
I was not asking for a lot…he was just capable of giving very little…because that’s the bucket he was drawing from.
You can only give what you already have in you.
Living like you’re dying amongst emotionally devoid people…meanwhile the devoid person thriving like King Parasite.
We got along like a house on fire as far as keeping each other company…thats why we lasted that long and could spend extended time together on trips…but I learned there was a caveat to that as well ***As long as we did what HE wanted to do***
So the missing ingredient was COMPROMISE…
Relationships thrive on compromise…otherwise it’s like living with a tape worm inside you.
You learn to over compensate to maintain a balance…but overextending yourself also has an expiration date.
I’m not an impulsive person so when I make a decision, it’s taken me a great deal of time to get there and it would be very hard to undo that decision.
Now the ironic part…
We became friends after keeping our distance for about 1 year.
We were better at being friends than partners…at this point we knew each other really well having been through a lot of life experiences.
He went on to find a partner in Thailand and then the fucked up irony occurred…he started complaining about things that he wasn’t getting from her that he freely got from me without asking for it…but could not extend the same courtesy in OUR relationship…even after me asking for it.
Only NOW did he fully comprehended THAT…but ONLY when the tables were reversed.
Look who woke the fuck up when no one wanted to play with his ball!
And then much worse happened…
While with me he was unable to upkeep his vows…’in sickness and in health’…but came back to me with a Cancer diagnosis looking for me to upkeep the ‘in sickness and in health’ clause…because he couldn’t get that as well from gf…his sentiments not mine.
And subsequently also the ’till death do us part’ bit was fulfilled.
I’m looking for YOU in others…
That’s what THAT means…
Fully aware of what was happening…eyes wide open…
By now I was doing my thesis on ‘Users and how they operate’…and on my 4th or 5th hands-on internship.
I did what my conscience allowed me to do…but it still had a very painful outcome…
I did not expect him to die.
At this point I’m not sure more painful for whom…the living or the dead!
But my conscience is free and clear…and for that I am grateful
Even though he was sick his familiar presence around me helped me through a very difficult time of my life and for that too I am grateful
THAT’S not only called a rude awakening for ALL involved…
THIS is also what Karmic retribution looks like…for ALL involved…in full color!
