A safe relationship is one where you feel seen, heard, supported, valued, loved, cherished, you can be vulnerable and share your feelings.
Lack of safety in a relationship occurs when you feel manipulated, gaslighted(bullshitted), minimized, dismissed, devalued, trivialize, unable to express your feelings…out of fear.
A safe environment is a place where we can completely be ourselves without being judged.
Did you feel safe as a child?
Only 10% of people claim they have had a ‘safe’ childhood.
If you had manipulative parents…you were more vigilant of your parents feelings than your own…your life was based around some one else’s moods and satisfaction.
There is a sense of neglect that comes with that.
Children of narcissistic parents have a distorted sense of safety…they do what feels familiar to them…not safe…but familiar.
They tend to fall into narcissistic relationships as adults because that feels familiar.
Their lack of safety feels familiar.
We project stuff that makes us feel uncomfortable onto others…we all do that.
Narcissisms core pathology is based on insecurities.
Despite their fake facade, narcissists don’t feel safe or secure within themselves…so they project their insecurities on to others…that’s called Psychological vomiting.
They need constant validation and adulation…they are always on the hunt for it.
They do tricks for treats… validation from the outside of self.
This is crucial for their survival.
Their lack of safety starts inside of them…so they project this onto others.
We start off by feeling ‘safe’ in these relationships because of the extreme attention we get from the narcissist.
But once you do something that they don’t like…it triggers their paranoia and insecurity in themselves.
You now begin to walk on eggshells to avoid triggering them…now YOU start feeling unsafe because of the over the top reactions you get from them…and you also take on the burden of blame…also projected by the Narcissist.
You have to chronically monitor the relationship.
It’s like walking in a minefield…blindfolded… anticipating an explosion.
They will dismiss your concerns no matter what… because if they validate your concerns they have to acknowledge their own short comings…and that is NOT something a narcissist is willing to do.
They will NEVER admit to their own faults…or apologize…unless there is something in it for themselves.
DO NOT make the unsafe neurosis and insecurities of the narcissist yours.
Being unsafe means you can’t be YOU.
Find safe people and cultivate those relationships.
It’s a basic human need to feel safe and secure.
You won’t find this with a narcissist.
Narcissistic relationships by definition are not safe.
Love feels safe…
If you don’t feel safe…it’s NOT love.
Peace Love and Light to all those who we love and have to let go.
We all ONLY do what we know.
When we know better…we do better.
