With the holidays around the corner…we ALL hope for a wonderful time of fun food family friends and festivities.
We are here to make memorable memories…right?
Not when you are dealing with a Narcissist…
Narcissistic people ruin holidays or any special events to make it memorable…
It’s their favorite demoralizing gift to you for any event.
Unfortunately…It’s ALWAYS in hindsight when you realize what was actually happening…
All the gnarly pieces fall into place like lego once you remove yourself out from the situation…
For me…it was a whole lifetime of gnarly…hindsight started falling into place @ 7 years ago.
When you are spinning in the tornado…none of this registers in your brain as abuse…we love these people…why would it?
Your mind does not operate like theirs…
We ALL think people think just like us…
THEY DO NOT!
THAT’S why it’s called Waking up.
I woke up at 52…but still persistently hung around…and this ONE fatal decision was ‘almost’ my demise…because I hung around longer than I should have…again.
Here’s my experience….
We were together for only .5 seconds on a mechanical bull ride in the realm of my life…thankfully so…but still very ‘memorable’…more because of the fuckedupedness of the experience.
The first Christmas…he had disappeared…
This was after he tried to run me over with his car when I confronted him for fingering the community tramp at a Christmas event.
Why wouldn’t a coward disappear?
Then he comes back with a gift!
I had made plans for New Years Eve…he was not happy to pay for it.
I told him I would pay…he threw the money at me…now fully offended.
He would make me meet him at events so he didn’t have to pay cover or buy me a drink…also it looked like I was chasing him in his own pea brain…and stingy as hell to boot.
I dumped him after that New Years.
I went to the UK to celebrate my birthday with my friends.
I should have stayed gone…unfortunately…for me…I didn’t…my bad!
I came back and he was surprised I dumped him🤔
Where did you go?…was what he said…like nothing had happened.
We got back together…like nothing had happened…no bueno.
I couldn’t have a decent discussion with him…because his temper was explosive and always out of proportion…
And the turmoil resumed once again.
Valentine’s day…
He threw flowers at me and said Zebi(his ex) never appreciated me.
I said…I’m not Zebi…he seemed confused.
He said…I want to be with someone who would accept flowers on the 15th because they are 50% off at Walmart 🙄
I said good strategy for next year.
The next Christmas he said he canceled Christmas and he lay on the couch.
Wasn’t he the head elf at all past Christmas events?
The head elf canceled Christmas?
He tried to ruin my next birthday…by ignoring it…
EVERYONE knows how I love birthdays…he did too…so he did his Narcissistic best to oblige🙄
The next Valentine’s…he told me he was going to take me to Hooters because that’s where men take their girl friends to break up with them…laughing like a Sadistic Psychopath at my hurt expression…which he did quite often.
I said…great…I love Hooters…now fully offended he threw my card at my face yelling some nonsense as he always did…to seal the deal…to make it extra extra special.
NOT the same sweetheart you see in public?
They NEVER are!
THAT is a mind fuck in and of itself…
You ALL get to see the carefully manicured fake public façade…indoors it’s a trailer trash Jerry Springer episode.
‘Normal’ people…
We want to create memorable memories based on positive events.
That’s not what a narcissist does…Narcissistic people ruin holidays to make it memorable…
I know people…myself included who have experienced emotional abusers will relate to how they ruin ANY memorable events.
New jobs, birthdays, births, funerals, anniversaries, Christmas, New Year, Sweetest Day, Valentines, Tuesdays, menopause, Santa Claus…any cause…
If it’s important to YOU…they will ruin it.
Besides…this was not my first rodeo…I was born into narcissism…but I was not aware that I was at the rodeo.
So there were lots of ‘memorable’ events…
It wasn’t uncommon to have an apocalyptic moment to set the mood to celebrate any holidays…
It wasn’t uncommon to be dumpster diving a day before Christmas trying to salvage our poor Christmas tree and our precious ornaments that were thrown into the dumpster…to cancel Christmas…to celebrate Christmas.
The next day…slap on a pretty dress and hide the shame and mental anguish behind a pretty smile and some lipstick…and carry on like nothing had happened…eating potato chops and sorpotel…
Business as usual.
The weekends were also ‘special events’.
The anticipation…is a killer!
You can get used to ANYTHING…when you don’t have a choice.
Lipstick and my sense of humor and now my gift of expression…speaking the truth OUT LOUD has been my saving grace.
Once you speak the truth OUT LOUD…the Spirit of shame dissolves.
And the most fascinating thing…they will remember and admit to NOTHING of what they do…
There’s 2 reasons for this…
1.They don’t ‘remember’ their abuse because THAT’S how they ALWAYS behave…this is who they are.
You on the other hand remember it ALL really well because it happened to YOU.
2. If they admit to it…they would have to deal with it.
And THAT my friend is not going to happen!
Either way…YOU are fucked!
At 52 it took a greater narcissist to wake me the fuck up!
They are called ‘greater’ not because they are great…
They get that title because they are The Worst…one step away from Psychopath.
One last crowning glory…when he tried to file the restraining order on me…he set the court date for the 27th of December.
That was the last time he got to help ‘celebrate’ ANYTHING with me.
The encounters with Narcissists get steadily worse until you wake up…
And by the Grace of God…
Boy did I ever…wake up!
The minutiae of my story helps with validation of YOUR own story…
You are not crazy or over reactive…they REALLY operate in this way.
And they ALL operate in the same way…that’s why its called a text book disorder.
They even ALL use the same dialogues…they ALL learn from the same demented play book.
The survivors…also have almost identical stories…because we are ALL dealing with the ‘same’ mental disorder…wearing a different hat!
I share my verbatim experiences because I know yours was not much different from mine…and THAT in itself is validating…
I’ve had a whole lifetime of this…pussy footing around narcissists balancing theirs fragile ego for them.
Ultimately…my own history with Narcissists was my own validation.
They create an atmosphere where they desensitize you to anything pleasant so you lower your expectations and desires to NOTHING…
Because NOTHING is what they have to offer.
And one more validating tidbit…
Don’t be so hard on yourself…
Trained professionals cannot spot a Narcissist if they don’t want to be spotted.
Just be grateful YOU spotted one…just in time…and thank The Lord God…you are not in that place any more…
I was removed from that situation for my own good…
I was removed from a fate much worse than I can ever imagine…
I was removed from another whole lifetime of abuse…
Now I can make my own precious memories…
Now I can make every event memorable…
Now I have a choice…
My life My journey My choice…
#selfie 😉📷
